Which Venture Brother?

Like the font really changes ... ain't seen it yet. I switched to Lucida Grande and it looks just like Trebuchet when I post it. Suckoreenee. Tal would appreciate what I'm saying, as would Dave, if they ever read this crap.

Well, working as a cashier in a grocery store sucks, even if you don't have a college degree. It sucks for all of us. It's been slow, after Thanksgiving, and it will pick up soon (I hope), because time stands still when it's slow. Of course, we are expected to do something, even when there is nothing to do. There is a current crackdown on idle time, with the LPs watching tapes to find out just who is chewing gum, reading mags or talking on their cells when they are bored out of their fucking minds. The endless Christmas music is like having a cheese grater applied to your fingertips and then having them dipped in a mixture of acid and hot sauce, while being continuously flogged by a cat-o-nine-tails made up of live cobras who have just been in serious arguments with mongeese (or 'gooses'?), who have just come in from all-nighters with the boys, smelling of whisky, having lost a large amount of what passes for mongoose money, fought with their mongoose wives, and anticipating Kiplingesque hangovers. Yes, it is that bad.

Idiots come into groceries. Of course they do: everyone has to buy food. Sometimes I believe that there is a vast idiot electromagnet under this town. It was turned on last night. People do the stupidest things. They expect you to read their minds. Some of them want every bag filled to bursting. Others want two items per bag. Some want the gallon bottle of milk bagged, whilst others will fix you with the death eye for daring to bag their milk. It is nuts.

I hate the fuckers who talk on their cells the whole time they are dealing with me: it is like I don't even exist. Some of them actually look annoyed if you speak to them and interrupt their conversations. I feel like taking my phone out and dialing someone at random and talking to them, just to piss the cunts off. How rude can you be? Very. You will never experience true rudeness until you have worked in a grocery check-out. When a price is wrong, it is your fault. When something won't ring up, it's your fault. When they read the goddamned price wrong, or they have the wrong item for the coupon, because they are stupid, it is your fault. When they just flat can't count, and you have to void half an order, it is your fault. Fuck.You can't win. All you can do is smile and be fucking polite.

Sometimes, when a customer is on its cell, I will mouth words, without speaking, until they have to put the damned thing down and actually talk to me. That's my puny revenge.

So, I stayed up all night, doing lots of stuff, some creative and some just jerking off. I watched Venture Brothers on Adult Swim (which I've mentioned before). It's a way kewl cartoon. I started thinking: if I was a cartoon guy, which Venture Brother would I really want to do? Hmmm... This took some thought. I like skinny, geeky guys a lot, so I thought about doing Dean. Dean is an obvious bottom boy, and he has freckles, and I love freckles. I'm sure Dean would love to take it up the ass. On the other hand, I love blond boys (like me) and Hank is blond. Hank is stockier, and, though I do like skinny boys, he definitely has the more spankable bottom. I'd definitely let Hank fuck me.

OMG ... I am fantasising about cartoon boys: I really need to get laid, RIGHT AWAY!