Bluetooth Dentures

I think I need bluetooth dentures. Okay, I am an old dewd, but I have definitely paid my cyber-debt, and I deserve my cyber-props. When I embarked upon this journey into an alternate lifestyle (not the fag one: the matrix) I took it for granted that the younger gay/jock/techno-geeks would keep up with me, even surpass me in my endless quest for a more complicated way to do a simple thing, through technology. Alas, and Alack (his cousin?), t'was not to be.

So, like, I got this little bluetooth adapter for my laptop, so I could better connect to to my kewl new phone, which has already baffled me, except I just found out how to do a direct link with it through an USB adapter, so, not bothered by hubris, I bought the damned thing, uploaded the software, and sought out to connect my utterly kewl new phone to my laptop by bluetooth.

Well, after about two hours, I finally found my phone's signal, and my laptop claimed that it knew my phone intimately, that they had been friends for years, had double-dated, in fact, and belonged to the same lodge. My phone keeps saying: "please wait".

Okay. So, correct me if I'm wrong: bluetooth is a protocol that allows cross-platforming between different devices (printers, mobiles, PDAs, laptops, blenders, vibrators) on a high-frequency, multi-sharing self-supporting network which allows open networking and closed, security-enabled data exchange within a short distance. Whew! Is that right? Am I stupid?

Maybe I just need bluetooth dentures. Okay: I loaded the software. I plugged the adapter into my USB port. I read the manual (which is written in 30 languages, but still doesn't tell you anything). I found my phone and asked bluetooth to add it, so I could experence connectivity beyond my imagination. I did everything right, according to the Slovenian instructions, and my phone says:"please wait." It has said that for an hour. I feel underdressed at a good restaurant.

This totally sucks, as I am ready to embrace the brave new world of bluetooth. How can technology deny someone who is so blithe to come to it?

Go figure.