"Apres moi, la deluge ..."

Spent last night in the corner of Serrano's stage. There was a piece of visqueen there, and I folded it over the railing to give myself a little measure of privacy and cut down on the wind. When I sat down on the wooden stage to unroll my sleeping bag, a big splinter tore a hole in my bike shorts, so I now have a hole in my bike shorts. Great.

Went by the Possum Hilton. Skank Chris was there, all cozy. May he burn in Hell for a thousand eternities! Anyway, I enjoyed a meal of vegetarian penne (MRE), raisins, peanut butter and fruit punch, with carrot cake (combat, individual, one) for desert. While I was eating, Guitar Man came by to retrieve his guitar. He was wearing a silver jacket and his trademark purple pants. He said: "Kind of glad to see you back here." I said: "Not really glad to be back here." Then He said: "You know I keep my guitar here (he does: under the stage)." I said: "Yeah. I won't let anyone bother it while I'm here." He said: "I know you wouldn't. You are okay. You're a grand man." Then he was off to play for money on Chimes St. I have no idea where he stays, but he keeps a bike behind the stage sometimes. I woke up, about 2:30 AM, when he came back and stashed his guitar and left on the bike.

It was kind of muggy last night. While I was watching a movie on my laptop, this girl jumped up on the stage and started dancing around, then jumped down, all without seeing me, in the corner. Sometimes I think I'm invisible, like I have become part of the landscape. I hope not.

When I woke up, it was cloudy and the wind was blowing and a few raindrops were starting to fall. I figured I had beter get somewhere before it started to rain a lot, so I packed up and headed fo CC's, which is where I spend a lot of time these days. I got an iced coffee and a toasted bagel, and had just sat down to eat it when the bottom fell out of the sky, and it started pouring. It's two hours later, now, and it is still raining. It looks like it will rain all day. This totally sucks, as I do not work today, and have no place to go. I do have to go by the store today, to pick up an MRE for dinner tonight. I have three left from the case that Kyle gave me, but there is a lady at work who said she has a bunch of them left over from Gustav, and she would get them together for me, so I guess I'll have enough food for a little while.

I used to love days like today, when I had a place to live. One of life's greatest pleasures is to curl up in bed on a nasty, rainy day like today and listen to the storm outside, and be cozy and dry and warm. Wonder when I'll ever get to do that again. If I could choose to be anywhere right now, it would be in bed.

Right now, I'm just depressed. I feel as grey as the sky outside. I feel like I am fading away into the grey, becoming part of it, indiscernible from everything around me. I feel like I just don't matter any more; like, if I suddenly ceased to exist, all anyone would notice would be a slight popping noise as the air rushed in to fill my empty space. Sometimes, I wonder why I even bother to go on. Today is one of those sometimes.