Message in a Bottle

Worked a 10-hour shift yesterday, after my mini-vacation at La Quinta, then, it was back to the Possum Hilton again. It was kind of chilly last night, and it is never really comfortable there, but I managed to get some sleep. I am at CC's, sipping an iced coffee and blogging. Today i game day: LSU vs. Georgia at 2 PM, and traffic is starting to build up on the roads around campus. It was really noisy last night, with a lot of students (and non-students) holding pre-game parties and tailgating. Finally got to sleep around 1:30 or so, when things quieted down a little. Texted Travis a couple of times, to see what he was doing, but he never texted me back.

Of course, the $100 from Bridget didn't materialize. I sent her a message yesterday, that I really needed the money and that I was running out of patience, since it has been FIVE FUCKING MONTHS, and all I have seen from them is $80. She messaged me: "just getting back trying to sell my speakers 2 pay u not fucking u got 2 pick mom up bring u something 2morrow i want 2 pay u off dont have it trying." How about that shit? So, this AM, she texts me: "bring you 5o 2day". Now, it's $50, and I still don't even have that. I have $10 left from my check, until Thursday. Somehow, I really don't think somebody is trying all that hard. I don't want to hear hard luck stories: I think mine would beat hers any day. I am not getting anywhere like this. I can't count on anybody to help me, not even to do what they should do, what they promised to do. If I'm going to get out of this mess, I'm going to have to do it alone, without anybody else's help. I'm beginning to think that nobody really cares.

My family doesn't, apparently. When Evan left, he told me not to think as though I was being abandoned, but, since Dad left, nobody has called me or contacted me. I don't even have Dad's new phone number, in Dothan. I feel as if I have become permanently disconnected: gulaged. I try not to think about things like that, because, if I do, I get really depressed, and it is hard enough to find the will to keep on going, and, if I give up, I'm dead. The loneliness of my existence is bad enough. I actually live to work, now. Isn't that fucked up? Something has got to change. So many people offer platitudes and tell me not to worry, that things will get better, but they aren't getting better. Oh, yeah: and keep praying, as though that will help. The only thing I get from prayer these days is a busy signal. Prayer helps sustain me, but I don't see God jumping up to give me a hand. Sorry: I just don't. I don't buy into that: "Be thankful for the blessings you have." stuff, either. The people who usually say stuff like that are doing fine. You don't hear a lot of people in my situation saying stuff like that. Oh, I could say it, all right, but I wouldn't mean it: it would be hypocrisy. Maybe I am whining too much. Maybe I should just start counting the god things in life, like possums. My possum must have stayed out late last nigh: he didn't wake me up this morning. I hope nothing happened to him (or her); I have become fond of it, whatever it is. It's my only boon companion. Maybe it hooked up with another possum. It's probably having more sex than I am ...

Well, ten days until the Election of the Millennium, and Obama seems to be ahead. November 4th is going to be a real trip. I am going to talk to the officials at LSU Lab School, where our precinct is, about giving us temporary WiFi connectivity (it was locked, last time we were there) so we can follow the election (and so we can have access to the Secretary of State's website, to look up voter's records: that would be a great help). Since Peggy an I both bring our laptops, we can maximize our efficiency that way. I think it will be a long, long day.

Got to get something to eat, before I go to work: all I had yesterday was a piece of fried chicken. We have good fried chicken, but I am tired of fried chicken. I might just eat some salad, instead.

Gee, I wish I had something more fascinating to post, but I don't. I don't even know if anybody is reading this crap. Maybe it's just going out there into the blogosphere, like a tree falling in a forest, and no-one to her it. I guess it's therapeutic, though. I wish I knew if anyone has read any of it, and what they think about it. Maybe I don't want to know. If there's anybody out there, and you read this, please let me know something. I'd like to know that my life has meaning ...