Cat-aclysm

Okay: I don't know if they really are responsible for it, but my inflate-o-bed now leaks so badly that I had to buy an electric pump to pump it up every night so I can sleep in it. Now, the thing is made of really tough plastic: it's meant to be used for camping trips. I doubt whether their claws could really get that far into it, and one or two little holes should not cause it to deflate with such rapidity. However, Yang (the male), who now weighs about 6 pounds, enjoys jumping off of the Ugly Green Chair (q.v.) onto the centre of the bed and bouncing to the other end of the apartment, as if it were a trampoline. So, maybe it is possible. At any rate, I intend to deflate it and take it back to Wally World and see if they will replace it, because it might be defective and, at any rate, those China-loving bastards owe us decent Americans, especially in a time of economic crisis, so, that's my excuse.

So, my buddy D. stayed over last night, and experienced Cat Hell. They bounced off him this morning around 7. Now, let's get this straight (right...): we are good friends, and, because of that fact, we don't have sex with each other. There are Gay Rules of Conduct that every decent fag should live by. Here's a quick rundown for you straight people out there:

1. A friend is a friend, and you don't fuck friends. You'll either lose your friend or you'll wish you had, before it's over.

2. A fuckbuddy is a guy you like having sex with and you do it more than, um, once. You don't want to get too friendly with a fuckbuddy, particularly if the sex is good, because then he will become a friend, and rule (1) will apply.

3. A trick is a trick. That's a guy you have sex with once. A lot of the time, having had you once, he will move on to other guys, because if you have sex with him again, he will become a fuckbuddy, thus moving up the ladder of social responsibility, and, should he ascend higher, become a friend, and then he can't have sex with you ever again, unless ...

4. A boyfriend is someone who used to belong to at least one of the categories above, usually attaining the level of friend before one or both of you stupidly violates the GRoC, and you wind up all ga-ga over each other, shopping together and moving in. This is to be avoided, at all costs. It's also what I see friends have, and I don't any more, and I miss so badly that it hurts inside.

So, I hope you straight guys understand this stuff now. Remember: these are just guidelines, and not everybody is smart enough to understand them, nor resolute enough to practice them. God knows, I'm no saint.

Anyway, with luck, I'll have a new bed tonight.