Fucking Stupid-Ass People

I hate to tell you guys, just past the Darwin Bicentennial, but Natural Selection has ceased to function, at least where human beings are concerned.

Tuesdays are usually slow. Tonight was no different, only it was a parade of freaks. I really appreciate the attention of the bums and panhandlers, many of whom show up simply to use me as a moneychanger. The ones who actually buy something (Heaven Hill Whisky and Thunderbird Red Label feature prominently)also pay in loose change, crumpled piss-smelling singles and pocket lint. The result tonight was that, in loose (unrolled) change, I counted $14.50 in quarters, $7.50 in dimes, $4.20 in nickels and $1.62 in pennies. You could have sewed that in a sack with a Mafia hit and dropped him in the Gulf: he would never have come up for air.

Then, there was the guy with the credit card that wouldn't work, so he left, and I had to void the purchase and then he came back and wanted to use the same card again (we had already run it four times) and I told him no, because if it didn't work the last four times it won't work now, and he got irate and so I said you know there's an ATM in the store and he finally came back with the cash after an hour or so of wrangling over this whole affair.

Then, there was the girl who bought butterscotch schnapps and Bailey's Irish Cream and then dropped it in the parking lot, so he had to come back and get more. For some unexplicable reason, she brought the dripping bag back into the store and set it on the floor, where it leaked Buttery Nipple all over the place, which I had to mop up. Why?

Got up yesterday and, lo, and behold, there was a money order from Bridget for $150. Yay. Only, I found out with the last one, that just about nobody in the universe will cash the bloody thing, especially my store, who issues them. The official policy is that they can only cash them if you have both the money order and the stub, you know: THE STUB THAT THE FUCKING SENDER SAVES FOR HIS RECORDS? So, today, Travis and I went to his bank, Chase, only one of the biggest, richest and most powerful banks in the fucking country, and they won't cash it, even if he has the money to cover it in his account. They won't even accept it as an item for deposit.

So, I try the Money Center at Wal-Mart, and they won't take it. So, I go around to all the check cashing places in the area. I hit three before I find one that handles this particular money order, and they cash it for me, only they charge me $5.88 to do it.

So, finally having got the fucking thing cashed, I go down to the little store and put $60 on my electric bill, which is $20 more than I owe them. I paid the bill in full last week, only to find that they had levied another $38 in charges against me, without telling me. I had to call them to find that out. They have one of those highly convoluted computerised phone systems which is designed primarily to frustrate you, so that you will give up and leave them alone. My electric had better be on by the time I get home, or I will fucking kill somebody. My total bill for last moth was $68; so why the hell do I have to pay them $275 in deposit? God, I hate Entergy!

I believe that Natural Selection no longer works. My solution to this is that those of us victimised by the stupid should band together and develop a plan to supplant Natural Selection. I have one idea: we market a bunch of dangerous things, the kind that are flashy and shiny, the kind that idiots crave. These devices would be inherently dangerous, so that if you didn't read the instructions, there would be a good chance you would either accidentally kill yourself or, failing that, at least sterilise yourself. Then, of course, you include a complex legal disclaimer, absolving your company of all responsibility if the product is not used properly. It will take a little cleverness to design products like this, but it can be done. Of course, the terminally stupid will NOT read the instructions, much less the disclaimer, and the product will be designed specifically so that an idiot will WANT to misuse it. Great idea, huh?

Oh, to dream ...

Cat-aclysm

Okay: I don't know if they really are responsible for it, but my inflate-o-bed now leaks so badly that I had to buy an electric pump to pump it up every night so I can sleep in it. Now, the thing is made of really tough plastic: it's meant to be used for camping trips. I doubt whether their claws could really get that far into it, and one or two little holes should not cause it to deflate with such rapidity. However, Yang (the male), who now weighs about 6 pounds, enjoys jumping off of the Ugly Green Chair (q.v.) onto the centre of the bed and bouncing to the other end of the apartment, as if it were a trampoline. So, maybe it is possible. At any rate, I intend to deflate it and take it back to Wally World and see if they will replace it, because it might be defective and, at any rate, those China-loving bastards owe us decent Americans, especially in a time of economic crisis, so, that's my excuse.

So, my buddy D. stayed over last night, and experienced Cat Hell. They bounced off him this morning around 7. Now, let's get this straight (right...): we are good friends, and, because of that fact, we don't have sex with each other. There are Gay Rules of Conduct that every decent fag should live by. Here's a quick rundown for you straight people out there:

1. A friend is a friend, and you don't fuck friends. You'll either lose your friend or you'll wish you had, before it's over.

2. A fuckbuddy is a guy you like having sex with and you do it more than, um, once. You don't want to get too friendly with a fuckbuddy, particularly if the sex is good, because then he will become a friend, and rule (1) will apply.

3. A trick is a trick. That's a guy you have sex with once. A lot of the time, having had you once, he will move on to other guys, because if you have sex with him again, he will become a fuckbuddy, thus moving up the ladder of social responsibility, and, should he ascend higher, become a friend, and then he can't have sex with you ever again, unless ...

4. A boyfriend is someone who used to belong to at least one of the categories above, usually attaining the level of friend before one or both of you stupidly violates the GRoC, and you wind up all ga-ga over each other, shopping together and moving in. This is to be avoided, at all costs. It's also what I see friends have, and I don't any more, and I miss so badly that it hurts inside.

So, I hope you straight guys understand this stuff now. Remember: these are just guidelines, and not everybody is smart enough to understand them, nor resolute enough to practice them. God knows, I'm no saint.

Anyway, with luck, I'll have a new bed tonight.

Moral Orel Rules!

So ... FINALLY, Robot Chicken came on Adult Swim. I had to sit through three damned episodes of what may be the lamest cartoon in the modern world, Total Drama Island. This is a badly drawn, cheaply animated animated version of all the idiotic, stupid, worthless, skanky, over-produced, phony (you get my drift) so-called "reality" shows. This was followed by an hour of Family Guy. Okay: I like Seth McFarlane's stuff (some of it), but there have been way too many episodes of FG. Seth: it's time to send this nag off to the knackers. Really.

And ... woe unto me ... I have seen this RC at least four times. This may be my very last Hotel Night, and here I am, stuck watching re-runs on AS, and watching YouTube and blogging at the same time, whilst consuming cheap chardonnay! Jeez, I hope I get to see a good Moral Orel or Squidbillies. And I had such high hopes for the evening...

Did go by Wal-Mart (pleez don't hit me!) and checked out webcams and digital video cameras. As soon as I can, I am going to start uploading video blogs to YouTube. I am also going to have to register a domain name independent of YouTube and actually sit down and author a website. That will be interesting: haven't done that in a while. Also link everything to Facebook and MySpace and as many other internet sources and sharing systems as I can. The whole idea is to get as much of my work out there as I can, generate as much interest as I can and get as much feedback on it as I can. This is going to be my primary occupation, from now on.

Yay! Moral Orel is on! It's the one where Orel discovers masturbation!

So, I'm going to watch AS for awhile and sleep in a real bed. I hope I can resist the urge to masturbate. Don't want to end up like poor Orel. See the episode: God's Chef.

Police Action

Last night was miserable. I slept behind a building, and the ground was wet and it was damp all night. My sleeping bag got all damp; my clothes, too. I need to wash my sleeping bag so it doesn't mildew. Got up and went to CC's, where I am now, as usual.

Travis texted me that his neighbor had called the police on Chris (the stupid idiot stayed in the PH pretty much all day long, every day!), but he was gone. He'll be back. The problem is that it won't make anything better for me because if I stay there now, I run the risk of someone calling the cops on me, and that's all I need. When I stayed there, I was gone early in the morning and only returned late at night, so very few people even knew I was there. Dumbass slept all day in there, so that residents who went in to wash clothes found him sleeping there. That stupid fucking piece of worthless trash fucked everything up! I hope they catch him there and taser his nuts!

Anyway, I haven't been able to stay there lately, so it doesn't make much difference to me except that I have to be careful not to stay in the same place too many nights in a row or stay too late, so that I am noticed. Its almost like being a fugitive or something. That fuckhead Chris just made things worse, but he is trash, so what do you expect from him? Damn it!

Chatting with Jenni online while I am sitting here. She is at work, but she and I talk during the day whenever I am online. In a little while, I will go by work and get my check. There is a problem there, too (like, I never have problems!): the teller at Chase told me last week that Albertson's no longer has an agreement with Chase to cash our checks, so, if they can't cash it at customer service, I will have to go to Wal-Mart to cash it. Ain't that a bitch! I have to pay my phone bill today and I have a reservation at La Quinta for tonight. I work tonight, too, but I'll probably get off early because they called me in to work yesterday, on my day off. All I do is work.

I need to take quarters and soap with me to La Quinta, so I can wash a few things (like my sleeping bag) tonight. I don't want it to mildew, and it needs washing, anyway. Still haven't heard anything from Chester. I might give him a call tonight, just to touch base, if he doesn't call me. I really need to get off the street. This shit sucks.

That's about it for now. With any luck, my next post will be from the comfort of La Quinta. Won't get to eat dinner over at Mestizo tonight unless I get off kind of early, which is possible, since they don't want me to get overtime. If I get off early enough, I'll eat there after I get back to the hotel.

I sure hope they taser Chris ...